Things fall apart. They always do. “If you break it, then you buy it,” was the rule. But, now that I own a house, I know that the opposite is also true: if you buy it, you will break it. Every move I make, every breath I take, I break an air conditioning condenser or a sump pump or something else I didn’t even know was breakable. Last weekend, I decided to wash my car in my very own driveway. As soon as the first splash of water hit the front windshield, the whole thing split, two graceful cracks undulating from the middle of the top down to both of the two bottom corners. Hot glass plus cold water equals expensive.
I searched my heart and looked at the ones I love. Being close to someone always leads to pain. Always. But why? We are all human: insecure, flawed, and driven by what makes me happy. The problem is that what makes me happy is often at odds with what makes you happy. Conflict. A falling out. Divorce. And even if what makes you happy is making me happy, both of us could be damaged in the process, as you become a passive prisoner of repressed longings and I become a narcissistic tyrant. Codependence. Passive-aggressive. Spoiled little brats. I think of Michael Corleone slowly destroying everyone he truly loved. Cursed entropy of the soul!