Nearly beloved, we are bothered here today for the disjoining of this couple from the state of holey martyrmony.
If anyone has any reasons why this couple should not have been joined, speak now, but you should have spoken sooner!
[time for airing of grievances]
Do you [insert name] reject [insert name] in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, from this day forth? If so, please say: hell, yeah.
Love is patient. Love is kind. Love keeps no record of wrongs. But what’s love got to do with it?
You may now diss the bride.