Divorce Ceremony

Nearly beloved,  we are bothered here today for the disjoining of this couple from the state of holey martyrmony.

If anyone has any reasons why this couple should not have been joined, speak now, but you should have spoken sooner!

[time for airing of grievances]

Do you [insert name] reject [insert name] in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, from this day forth?  If so, please say: hell, yeah.

Love is patient.  Love is kind.  Love keeps no record of wrongs.  But what’s love got to do with it?


You may now diss the bride.


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6 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. That is freakin’ hilarious. I swore I’d never perform another wedding ceremony, but this has got me reconsidering. Maybe I should offer divorce ceremonies instead. Thanks for the laugh.

  2. No prob. This is a complete mockery of that possibility, but people actually do such things. Just google “divorce ceremony.” You’ll get the phone book. Do it anyway.

    Divorce is a sad and serious thing, which affects all of us, directly or indirectly. We need clear and helpful ways to deal with it. But a ceremony? With a reception?

  3. Hehe, that is pretty funny.

    As a kid growing up with a single parent, I know very well the power that divorce has on people’s lives.

    I think divorce rates are getting higher because people just don’t take marriage seriously anymore. People marry without getting to trully know their partners sometimes. A perfect example is proposing to someone you’ve never lived with. Ever heard the statement: “you never trully know someone until you live with them”? Nothing poetic or metaphorical about that saying. It’s just word for word truth.

    However, divorce cannot always be avoided. People change, and dso do their feelings. My parents were together over 20 years before they decided to pull the plug. Obviously in love at one stage, and managed to make it work for a long time… just not long enough.

  4. I, too, am a child of divorce.

    Is the source of increased divorced rates really people not living together beforehand? Or not truly knowing each other? Or not sustaining a feeling?

  5. OMG this post is hysterical! Thanks for the laugh. Just found your blog when surfing and enjoy your writing & thoughts… adding you to my bloglist. Cheers!

  6. You’re welcome. Hopefully I can keep up these zany shennanigans.

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