27 Ways to Lose your Balls

Few movies promise to be as utterly emasculating as this year’s 27 Dresses. As the title and trailer indicate, this movie ought to contain nothing that appeals to the typical male viewer. It’s refreshing, really, to see a major studio sending out a big #$&* you to their primary demographic.

“But it’s got Katherine Heigl,” some might argue. “She’s supposed to be hot.”

So was Princess Diana. Do you see me reading the biography?

What baffles me is that they’re not even trying for cross-over appeal. This isn’t a date movie. This is a cut-off-your-balls-for-a-few-hours-and-sew-them-back-on kind of movie. (Don’t ask me how they get sewed back on; I’m not a doctor; and yes, it’s “sewn.”)

In short: the title says it all. If your girlfriend/wife/signif-oth drags you to this one, she owes you big time. You just surrendered your manhood.


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6 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. So I guess that means you’re going to see it. Do report back as to how it went. 😉

  2. I do have an overabundance of manhood… so yes, we should be watching it… on DVD.

  3. “That’s what she said”

    (Sorry couldn’t help it)

  4. Dear Mr. Faithfool,

    As a woman and fellow movie-watcher, I am appalled by your quick judgment of the movie 27 Dresses. I think you are mistaken is referring to it as a “cut-off-your-balls-for-a-few-hours-and-sew-them-back-on kind of movie.” In reality it’s more of a I-love-my-girlfriend-enough-to-see-it-and-watch-her-sparkling-hazel-
    eyes-as-a-love-story-unfolds-on-the-screen kind of movie.

    The movie promises to be funny, silly, moving, and entertaining. What more could you want from a movie? If anything, I encourage you to see it with your girlfriend to get leverage when you want to make her see movies like Hellboy 2.

  5. Just thinking of you watching Hellboy 2 is pure comedy. Also the youtube video has been taken down but for those interested you can find it here:


  6. What more could I want in a movie? Realism, action, dry wit, and guns, lots of guns.

    But yes, Miss EJV, I would be amenable to such a compromise as you propose… in spite of myself.

    Andrew, thanks for the link. I’ll plug it into the original article.

    That I saw the first Hellboy in the theater was the result of peer pressure and procrastination. My expectations were at least as low as they were going into Underworld… and I was even more wrong. Finally, I have evidence that I can pursue a career somewhere in between Indiana Jones and Ghostbusters. Why the hell would I not want to see more of that?

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